Home

Advertisement

Customize
About this Journal
sweaters and knee socks and calloused feet.
Current Month
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031
Dec. 1st, 2007 @ 01:12 am (no subject)
Ciao Livejournal !

I'm switching to wordpress.

'Cause it's better.

word.
About this Entry
long road
Nov. 28th, 2007 @ 08:34 pm happy birthday dad
i lost 3 of my friend's comic books, and i need to replace them.

they are $25.

each.

my dad's alternater broke today. $450.

my computer is bugging out... $80+

holiday gifts... $300+

.

guess i'll have to return some of those impulse buys from last weekend.
About this Entry
long road
Nov. 22nd, 2007 @ 12:56 am (no subject)
i want to be stronger. i want to push myself.

i want to like the person that i am.

"there are no refunds on your body. you've got to own it."

i will i will i will.
About this Entry
long road
Nov. 13th, 2007 @ 04:08 pm (no subject)
i've been such a bitch lately. it seems uncontrollable, it's always unexpected.
i can feel my father's rage inside of me.
About this Entry
long road
Nov. 5th, 2007 @ 11:31 am french presentation in 20 minutes
i miss my cat. i know that seems trivial, but it means so much more than you can know.

i've given up on my philosophy of mind class. it's awful. everything we read is just a slosh of sophisticated words thrown together dancing around what everyone knows but no one wants to believe--we're just brains and bodies.
sorry descartes, i don't believe in soul.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 29th, 2007 @ 10:54 am autumn
i find myself tangled up
hiding from the cold
wrapped up tight within covers.

i find myself wanting to
needing to reflect
but alas, unable to.

i find myself alone, yet
not alone at all.
i have found someone to love.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 17th, 2007 @ 04:19 pm love.
my life and my money and my food and my homework and my responsibilities and my friends and my parents and my job and my wants and my needs and even my boyfriend--i disect them. i tear them apart in fits of passion, justifying my blatant errors and wrong-doings with the excuse that "i'm still learning."

i've always thought that loving someone was something deep and unquestionable. that it meant forever in continuum. now i understand that you must question to answer, you must break to rebuild, you must hate to love.


"love is blind."
if this is true, then it must follow that
young love is blind out of innocence.
naive love is blind out of ignorance.
false love is blind out of necessity
and true love...

true love is blind by choice, but only after seeing it all.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 16th, 2007 @ 07:55 pm (no subject)
you will always feel alone.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 16th, 2007 @ 10:38 am (no subject)
this place has pushed me to become more mature than i ever thought possible. i have learned so much about how to talk to people, about what "time management" really means... most of all i've learned a lot about myself. about how far i can go, about how much it takes to really make me angry.
i'm working for two people who, though stressed to the point of breaking, are amazing. i've come to realize what it is to have respect for someone, and to have them respect you back. i've learned to stand up for myself. i've learned that while it is good to hold your tongue when you're most upset at someone, eventually you need to open your mouth or nothing will ever get fixed. i've learned that confrontation does not equate to hostility.
it is those who lash out most, who need the most help.

i loved this place. it broke me down, tore me apart.
i broke it down, tore it apart.
but
i. still. love. it.
it's about time we rebuild each other.

for you, behbeh...
you loved each other. you broke each other down, tore each other apart.
but
you. still. love. her.
good luck <3
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 14th, 2007 @ 10:20 am (no subject)
i can't sleep. wired on caffeine or nerves or who knows. i got a solid 4 hours, from about 5am-9am.
i'm nervous.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 14th, 2007 @ 03:42 am (no subject)
i know what i have to do. i can't work there anymore. i feel completely manipulated and i don't know who to believe and this is all coming crashing down so quickly.
"it's not about what happens to you in life, it's how you deal with it"
please, let me at least have learned something from all of this.
renee, i need to talk to you. if you read this before you go to work, expect me to come in early.


i feel like i'm going to throw up.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 13th, 2007 @ 10:08 am (no subject)
angie quit.

so should i.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 11th, 2007 @ 11:20 am (no subject)
wwwwwwoooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

long shifts.
big tips.
idon'tgiveashit.
i hate money.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 10th, 2007 @ 10:15 am (no subject)
the dizzying cyclical nature of life is making me sick.

my mind and body and heart and... nothing within me is fully developed. my thoughts trail off constantly. my body is in a terrible flux. even my dreams are still seeds in soil, possibly mislabeled and far from blooming.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 6th, 2007 @ 11:49 am (no subject)
i am realizing what i want in life, yet still i feel i do not have the courage required to obtain it. even the little things, i am not quite ready to leap into.

freedom from myself is my biggest obstacle.
About this Entry
long road
Oct. 5th, 2007 @ 02:55 am (no subject)
max = love

work = work.

school = progress

money = there

life = ?.?.?... .

oh dear nietzsche,
About this Entry
long road
Sep. 19th, 2007 @ 11:16 am time management
i've got fluid in my ears. a soft rhythmic drumming. i'm cold and tired and skipping class and i don't know what to do or how to think.
they tell me to go home.
they tell me nothing is wrong.
they tell me i need more medication, more therapy.
they tell me i need a god and a goal and a future.

it's raining.
About this Entry
long road
Sep. 18th, 2007 @ 11:38 am (no subject)
intangible.

sleep dream work spin sleep skip sleep.

more medication.

th-air-uh-pee.

slumber.
About this Entry
long road
Sep. 14th, 2007 @ 09:52 am (no subject)
sometimes i feel like two totally different people.

i am comedy and tragedy.
bubbly and depressing.

i believe something is not right. my moods frustrate me. i am angry that i cannot control the way i feel. my features lie, mirroring what i would like to feel, reflecting backwards.
About this Entry
long road
Sep. 13th, 2007 @ 01:46 pm (no subject)
it's this and that and the other.

sometimes i fill up with so much nonsense i'm completely unintelligible. i want this to be over. even my moments of quiet are tainted with the certainty of this. it will always return. it always comes back. i'm just so tired of dealing with it.

monsters in my sleep, forcing me into submission. losing patience. losing temper. losing whatever i was able to hold on to. tunnel vision.

"in my best dreams nothing at all happens. a plain blue sky and a solitary sun. there are no clouds; there is no wind."
About this Entry
long road

Advertisement

Customize